


The Things I Have Seen

by TearaBlackwing



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Humor, Banter, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-05 14:42:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18830755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TearaBlackwing/pseuds/TearaBlackwing
Summary: I am pretty odd even for normal standards and knew there was something wrong with me growing up. I could see my friends on their vacations half a world away and I was still in my grandmothers’ backyard. I could see as if I was looking through their eyes as well as a third person view that could explore. It was odd and I thought I was going crazy. I didn’t tell anyone because they would have packed me off the nearest loony bin before you could say, ‘loco en la cabeza’.





	1. My name is...

**Author's Note:**

> Marked mature for some dark themes and depictions of violence.

  
My name is Volva Saguaro. Volva is Norse for “Seer or Shaman”. Saguaro is a cactus that can grow up to about sixty feet in height. Both names are very apt. I see things I shouldn’t and I am not a very huggy person.  
My mother died in childbirth; a crime that my grandmother never forgave me for. I swear that woman eats a bowl of bitterness for breakfast every morning. She is also unfortunately my only living relative. She took me in she says, ‘out of the kindness of her heart.’ She must have used all that up, because I have not seen a drop of it since. She only does things that make she thinks make her look good.  
She would drone on and on about how worthless my father was. How he came into town for a few months and then disappeared. How stupid my mother was for ever falling in love with him was a daily rant for her. Also probably the only time she got her heart rate up. I have been taking care of her since I was eight years old, making meals doing all the cleaning while she got her monthly check from the government. I promised myself I would never be like her. I would be going off to college as soon as my senior year was done. I could not wait.  
I am pretty odd even for normal standards and knew there was something wrong with me growing up. I could see my friends on their vacations half a world away and I was still in my grandmothers’ backyard. I could see as if I was looking through their eyes as well as a third person view that could explore. It was odd and I thought I was going crazy. I didn’t tell anyone because they would have packed me off the nearest loony bin before you could say, ‘loco en la cabeza’. It got to be very, very difficult to keep it to myself as I was privy to information about people that they never shared with anyone. I made sure that I didn’t have very many friends because I was difficult not to watch their lives when I was emotionally invested in their wellbeing. I live in a tiny town so I already kind of knew everything about everyone without spying. So, out of boredom I did on occasion look through the eyes of some celebrities for a lark and quickly discovered that fame was stupid. I watched Tony Stark for one afternoon and was cured of my curiosity in regards to what he did in his down time.  
No one is safe from me. I can see everyone I have spied on the president (boring by the way.) Gone to concerts, watched fireworks in China, and once looked out over the peak of Mount Everest. It is so hard just to watch and listen and not be there. Being in other people’s shoes and be a ghost of a person neither living my life nor living theirs. Just know people’s names and I am able to look at their lives while being firmly rooted as me. I am pretty much a human surveillance and tracking system and I hate every second of it.  
One awful November day in my senior year a girl named Nichole went missing from my high school. They started a search party to look in the woods, as if she had wandered off. She was popular, but nice and everyone liked her. She had a social life, a serious boyfriend, and people who cared about her. She was not the type to run off willingly. Someone would have had to have kidnapped her.  
I found her in a hunting cabin that I knew very well in my minds’ eye, though I had never stepped foot there. It was Dirk Holston’s cabin and his place was creepy enough to be a set for a terrifying horror movie where things look alright but the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.  
She was tied to the bed and I saw the rope burns on her wrists. She had a split lip and a black eye. And tears were streaming down her face. Dirk was not in the room. He was actually in town buying more rope and other things that made me shudder. I grabbed my coat and my hunting knife and ran out the door. No one would believe me if I told them that the ex-mayor of our town had a girl tied up in his bed and I having no way to prove that I was not an accomplice. My grandma shouted at me, but I did not stop to hear what she said.  
I kept one eye on Dirk as I started my car. He was a good thirty minutes away from his cabin and I was about ten minutes away. I could do this. I had to do this.  
The charming little cabin of his was easy enough to get into since I knew where he stashed his other key and I made quick work of the bedroom door that was thankfully only dead bolted from the outside. I walked into the room with my hands up and my face visible so that she could see me. She cried and I cut the ropes off her wrists and ankles. She could not walk, but thankfully she was naturally slender and I was working as a hay bale stacker at the farm store. She was shaking like a leaf and we hadn’t said a word to one another. I carried her to my car and went back and locked all the doors again so that he wouldn’t know she was gone till he opened the bedroom door.  
“Dirk is going to be coming up this road in about two minutes I need you to get down and stay quiet. He is going to want to talk. If I just blaze past him, he’ll know something is up.”  
“How…how do you know he is coming up the road?” Her eyes were panicked.  
“I just do, now get down! Stay calm. I am not going to let him get you. You have to trust me.” She got down, thankfully, without another word just before his car came around the bend of the dirt road.  
His red old pick up growled as it paused by mine. He rolled down his window and smiled at me. I resisted the urge to shudder. I rolled down mine and forced a smile that I prayed looked genuine.  
“Afternoon Mr. Holston.” I said affecting a chipper tone to my voice.  
“What brings you out here, Miss Saguaro?” Nichole was trembling so badly and sweat was rolling down her face. I made my face impassive to her obvious fear.  
“I was doing my weekly check of the fences for Mr. Green. He was worried with all the weather we’ve been having that a tree might have fallen over a fence, so he sent me out a few days early.” I said with a smile. I was so thankful that the lie sounded believable.  
“Well you behave yourself now, you hear. I know how you young girls get into trouble.” He said with a wink that made me throw up a little in my mouth.  
“I am not the type.” I replied with a smirk.  
“Sure you’re not, Sweetheart.” He drawled while looking me in the eye. I just smiled weakly and rolled up my truck’s window. The man had severely damaged my calm. I drove way at a normal pace till we turned around the bend and the trees covered my increased speed from Dirk.  
“Are you ok, Nichole?” I asked never taking my physical eyes off the dirt road. She was shaking, but eerily silent.  
“How did you know he was coming, Volva?” She asked. Her voice was so small I nearly missed it over the strained roar of my engine as we finally reached the concreate of the highway to town.  
“You will think I am a freak if I tell you. So, before I tell you, you are going to call the cops and tell them where you were and who took you while I drive you to the hospital; sound fair?” She nodded. As she was on the phone Dirk arrived at his cabin. I smiled to myself as because he hadn’t yet realized she was gone. He had started working in his shed rather than going inside, giving us even more time. But watching what he was doing in there caused me to gag.  
“The cops are going to Dirk’s cabin and there is going to be a policeman to talk to us at the hospital to ask us a few questions.” She said sounding more like her normal self.  
“Good. I’ll hold up my end of the bargain.” I glanced at her face to gage how calm she was at the moment; If she was already nervous than I could possibly make her pass out with what I had to say. It was my turn to start shaking. I licked my chapped lips before I spoke.  
“..H… h..Have you heard of the X-men?” I stuttered  
“Yes… Are you one of them?” She asked wide-eyed. Not afraid, but more impressed than anything by what I could gage in her expression.  
“The easy answer is, yes, but to be honest I am not sure.” She actually smiled at me and all my fears of her totally losing it eased.  
“So, you are like a superhero? That is totally cool.” She said uncrossing her arms and looking relaxed for the first time. I got uncomfortable with how she was staring at me, as if I was a celestial being.  
For one who watches people you hate to be observed.  
“Shouldn’t you call your parents and your boyfriend?” I asked cutting short her gawking.  
“Umm… yes..” She blinked rapidly and launched herself into calling her mom on my phone. The tears of relief the followed were a good distraction from me.  
As we had been talking the police had found Dirk and taken him in to custody for questioning and searching his house had found a disturbing shrine to Nichole and a lot of other incriminating evidence. As we got to the outskirts of town I turned down the avenue to the hospital. Luckily, we lived near a bigger hospital that could take her in case this one didn’t have what she needed.  
I pulled over and stood aside as the nurses started to get her onto a gurney. A young cop named Adam Wood had arrived to talk with me about how I found her and how I had known where she was. He was less than thrilled with my answer at being an X-men and capable of seeing where people were. The fear in his eyes was easy enough to read. We had known each other since kindergarten and he never look at me like that. Adam was one of the people I had to distance myself from he was too kind and easy to be around. But there was no hope for us being friends now. Fear and friendship do not mix well. It was funny to me to know that I could make the ex-football captain and prom king afraid. The man was built like a mountain at 6’4.  
“I am afraid you are going to have to come with me, Miss Saguaro, to the station for more questioning.”  
The nurses had been asking her tons of questions and started looking at her rope burn marks on her arms. They were just about to close the door when she said.  
“She is coming with me. She saved my life.” Adam stuttered for a second but did not argue.  
Her family burst through the doors just then and all that was heard was the sound of ugly crying. Not the normal, ‘this-is-awful-but-I-must-keep-my-composure-crying’. It was more of the gut wrenching sobs and snot sort. It was good honest crying.  
She was wheeled into the ER without any further ceremony. Adam had stayed with me in the lobby. It did not feel right for me to intrude on their family moment.  
Nichole’s boyfriend, Josh Hale, burst through the front doors looking absolutely murderous. I shuddered. He scared me more than Dirk had. Josh was a false-front of a man. I didn’t need my sight to see through him. He would call me ‘Volvo” as children. I was a strong and tall girl and he would laugh and say that my butt was as big as the car. Now, he was every inch a politician, yet he lacked the knack for keeping his own hands clean. He only acted nice to get what he wanted, but once you crossed him, heaven help you. I had once seen him hit his own mother. He was my grade school bully. I hated him with a passion.  
“Where is she?!”He shouted. He was furious and his eyes looked crazed.  
“She is being seen to by a doctor.” I said not wanting to get into anything with my childhood tormentor again. He sneered at me in his best spoiled rich boy way and stormed into the ER.  
Adam had seen the entire exchange. He was not a fool. Adam could see though him too.  
“Has he always been like that?” he asked his eyes narrowed.  
“I’m afraid we caught him on a good day.” I snorted.  
Shouting erupted in the ER and the sound of someone getting slapped. I got up with a start and Adam and I ran for the door. Josh had attacked Nichole. I didn’t think my opinion of him could get worse. The nurse was frantically calling for security from her station. Her father was trying to pull him off of her, but he was young and strong. He viciously punched her father.  
“You let him touch you! You Slut!” He spat drawing his fist back to hit her again. Adam grabbed his arm and yanked him off the gurney with almost no trouble at all. Josh may have been strong next to a middle aged man, but he was nothing next to Adam. He dragged him from the room with Nichole’s father in toe and I had the satisfaction of seeing him be put in handcuffs and thrown into Adam’s cop car.  
I went over to Nichole and saw the fresh bruises starting to bloom on her face. She was quiet. Not a single tear fell. He mom was in a state of shock holding her daughter’s hand and was dazedly looking at the white wall next to the chart. Her reopened lip bled freely and I gently grabbed some gauze. When I went to dab the blood off her chin, she jumped and looked at me as if I was going to hit her. The startled noise that came out of her tear worn throat about ripped my heart open.  
“Shhh… it is just me.” She looked at me and sobbed.  
~  
It had been about two years since that particular rescue and I had gone about tipping off the police for missing people. I never gave my name, but sometimes I would drive to help people and get them out of bad situations like I had with Nichole. Call me an idiot all you want, but I cannot simply do nothing. Nichole thinks I am crazy, but she supports me. She calls herself my sidekick. Adam just laughs at her. She still calls me up now and then and I ask her how she likes being married to Adam. They never told anyone what I could do. They helped me move out of my grandmother’s house and into my ASU dorm room. It is actually nice to have friends. It is nice to have support. The logical side of my brain is screaming that they are an emotional liability. Maybe not today or maybe not tomorrow, but eventually those we love will cause us heartbreak.  
I buried myself in school work, but I still worry about them. They are my only family. They are the ones I go to see at Christmas time. They are the ones that I call when I have had the worst day ever. It terrifies me that one day death will take them from me. It does not matter that it may be fifty years from now. I know when that day comes, I will be decimated.


	2. You are supposed to be dead?!

  
The day Tony Stark was kidnapped was a no good very bad day for me. I was struggling through my bio-chem class and was trying to avoid a guy from my astronomy class that had been stalking me since we had been paired up for an assignment. He gave off bad juju for a reason. He was a mega creep, the kind of guy that would roofie a girl’s drink at a bar. I had looked at David Cole’s life for a few days and he was an emotionally manipulative jackass.  
He was an expert at false modesty and self-deprecation. He was trying the whole “I am such a nice guy, but no girl likes me” bull. Girls fell into his good-looking web all the time only to find him toxic after it was too late. I blew him off and he took it as a personal challenge. He had cornered me that day trying to force me on a date.  
“I know you will like me.” He smirked.  
“I honestly doubt I would. Now, leave me alone.” I said while trying to get past him to my next class.  
“I am just a cockroach and you are a butterfly. Apparently you will not associate with the likes of me.” He pouted.  
“I will not date you out of pity. I will not feel sorry for you. I am not refusing you because I think I am better than you. I am refusing you because you are trying to manipulate me. Get.Out. Of. My. Way.” I finally squeezed past him.  
“Manipulate you? How dare you say that of me?!” He yelled as he attempted to catch up with me.  
“How dare I?! My good opinion cannot be bought.” I said shoving his most recent bribe back at him. “You keep cornering me even after I told you that I was not comfortable with it. You do not seem to understand the word, ‘no’. How can I trust you or be friends with someone that does not respect my boundaries? Clue, I cannot. Now, once and for all, get out of my face.” He then began to regale the entire student body with expletives that would make his mother ashamed of him. I would have to watch him from then on to make sure that I was safe walking home.  
I was late to class and had to do the walk of shame into the room.  
“It won’t happen again, professor.” I ducked my head and listened as she began her lecture again. She was telling us about fall of the Roman Empire and the Huns.  
“Did you hear?” One of my more annoying class mates whispered to the person next to him.  
“What?” She asked. The preppy blonde that he had been flirting with for two weeks tilted her head to the side as if she was trying to get her brain cells to connect to make a thought.  
“Tony Stark was kidnapped a week ago.”  
“Omg.” She whispered.  
I took a deep breath and put my head in my hands. He, one of the most brilliant minds of our time got kidnapped. I pinched the bridge of my nose. My head-ach was getting worse.  
Tony Stark  
He was in a cave in Afghanistan. I quickly wrote down the coordinates on my note paper. He was beat up and working on something with another man. No matter what I thought of him personally, I would not wish how he was being treated on anyone. A guard came in and left some food that looked like it should not be fed even to dogs. Stark ignored the food.  
“Miss Saguaro? The answer to the question, please?” My professor made me come back to myself. Fortunately, I could split my focus.  
“Romulus, the last of the Roman emperors in the west, was overthrown by the Germanic leader Odoacer, who became the first Barbarian to rule in Rome.” I said still keeping my eye on Tony.  
“Someone did the reading. Now, class I want a five page report on why you think the Roman Empire fell and what you think they could have done to prevent it.” I pretty much ran from the room and to the nearest payphone I could find.  
“Stark Industries, how can I help you?” I took a deep breath.  
“I need to speak with Obadiah Stane, please.”  
“I am sorry, but I cannot just simply patch you through to one of the most powerful men in the world.” She got all snotty with me. Figures.  
“I have information on where Tony Stark might be.” I said trying to get through to this woman.  
“I bet you do; you and about 200 other people who have tried to call here.” She hung up on me. I called right back. I tried that rout for about a week. It got me nowhere even after I told her the coordinates. Obadiah threw them in the trash. He smelled fishy.  
I tried calling Pepper after that. Nothing. Apparently no one will believe you when you do not attach a name to anything. Tony had been in that cave for nearly two months. I was pulling my hair out and wishing that I was only stressed about finals.  
I tried to contact Lieutenant Rhodes, but I never made it past the part where they asked for my name, I tried to tell them that it was important, but they always hung up on me.  
Just because I disliked Tony did not mean I wanted to see him hurt in a cave in the middle of the desert. I called the FBI on a burn phone and finally someone took me seriously. I was a day too late. Tony had busted out of his cell and flown into the middle of a sandy patch. I gave them the coordinates. They found him an hour later. It was both a victory and a defeat for me. Yinsen had died. If I had gotten anyone to believe me he might have been alive. There was a life on my conscience now. Tony blamed himself, but little did he know that there was one who was more to blame.  
You are welcome Mr. Stark. I am sorry about Yinsen…he died because of me.  
He was more fun to spy on after that. A lot more fun. I was the first to know that he was Iron Man. I told no one. I like to pretend that Tony is my friend and who would want to rat their friend out to the fuzz? He is not so icky anymore and was an actual tolerable human being…aside from still partying like an animal. Maybe he would figure out just how much Pepper loves him. But despite being a genius he is an absolute idiot. A guy named Agent Colson of SHIELD had taken to pestering him and I found it funny how Tony kept blowing him off, but I also agreed with Pepper that he should not be so rude.  
The months passed and midterms and finals passed with as much stress as you can imagine. I am an ok student, but sometimes my gift is distracting. For example, I had taken to spying on a secret government group called SHIELD. They tried to be subtidal, but when a hammer landed in the middle of New Mexico I was not far away. I actually drove there to try my hand at pulling it out, but just as I put my hand on it the FBI showed up. Well, Shield showed up anyway.  
Come on. The hammer wiggled a little.  
“Get your hand off of that, please.” A man in a suit told me.  
“But I almost got it out.” I said as I pulled it slightly off the ground.  
Dang, this thing is heavy.  
“Put it down and step away.” He said folding his arms over his chest.  
“Fine.” I let it down and had to massage my arms from the strain. “Can I ask why the cops are interested in a plain old hammer?”  
“That is confidential information, miss.”  
“Well, good luck moving it... Mr.?” I said pretending that I did not recognize him.  
“Agent Colson.” He replied with the deadpanned look that one gives to someone who is unwelcome at a party.  
“Saguaro.” I said holding out my hand. He did not reciprocate the gesture. I shrugged and started walking toward my truck. “I’ll get going then…But you might want to know that this is Thor’s hammer.” I said over my shoulder.  
“Thor’s?” there was finally some emotion in his voice.  
“Yeah, it is in Old Norse runes. Right here on the handle.” I said with a smirk as I turned back around.  
“How would you know that?” He asked as his eyes narrowed stalking after me.  
“My mom was a dead language professor before she passed. I have taken it up. She had a particular fondness for Old Norse.” He just stopped and stared at me, incredulous.  
“I’ll leave.” I said raising my hands.  
I was kicked out of the area but I kept my eye on the man named Colson. I was not disappointed. I got to watch as Thor himself broke in and try to take it back. My mother would have been so happy to know that they were all real. Jane Foster was a really lucky woman. Thor is hot. Loki however, was a little butthead. Cute, but a destructive little liar. I never liked to spy on him. It was as if he knew I was watching.  
I had taken up a side projects to figure out if my powers were limited to finding living things. I had taken to looking at my college papers while they were sitting on my professor’s desks. I wondered if I could locate dead people and tested accordingly. A lot of them were mostly worm food, but I found if someone was cremated than I was taken where the ashes were spread. Being face to face with a decomposing body is not really comfortable. Neither is the feeling I would get looking around the coffin. Chalk up being buried alive as one of my worst fears, now.  
I had called police stations with the whereabouts of long dead loved ones or even those kidnapped. I listened to the radio and news channel religiously.  
~  
I am a Language and History Major at ASU and I am obsessed with WW2. I had taken to finding where some of the heroes were buried, since a lot of the bodies were never found. I loved the Howling Commandos and looked up the ones that were missing in action. James Buchanan Barns was at the top of that list. So, I tested it out during Christmas break. I did not understand what I saw when I went looking for him. He was in an abandoned warehouse in Detroit…alive. He had not aged a day and he was sitting in a chair while he was biting down on something as someone was hurting him.  
“No! Sargent Barns! How can I get to you?!” I screamed and Bucky’s eyes focused for a second as if he had heard me. Highly unlikely.  
“I heard a voice.” He whispered raggedly to someone standing off the side. “Who is Sargent Barns?” I gulped…he had heard me.  
“Ugh, not this again… Wipe him.” The voice responded and I saw his face.  
“Are you sure we should not wait a few minutes Mr. Rumlow?” said another voice off to the side.  
“Just do it!” Rumlow snarled.  
“But we had just finished doing that. If we give him a few minutes we won’t damage his brain.” The tec’s voice broke like someone who did not want to be held responsible for breaking someone’s brain.  
“Just do it, or do I need to tell you again?” He sneered.  
“Stop Mr. Rumlow! I am not sure what kind of scumbag you are, but you are an absolute asshole. If you do not stop hurting him I will come down there and kick the living snot out of you.” I said again out loud only to slap my hand over my mouth because he turned as if he was looking right at me.  
“Who is this kid?”  
“What kid, sir?” the technician asked tentatively.  
“She is standing right there in an ‘Arizona State’ tee-shirt.” He was pointing right at me. Right at my uni-teed, pajama bottom wearing, slipper footed, self.  
Had I teleported? Nope. I was still vaguely see-through. Now of all the times I had spied on someone I was being seen. What horrible luck.  
“Maybe, I am your worst nightmare.” I said being stupidly bold while I walked over to Bucky.  
“I highly doubt that a teenage girl is my worst nightmare.” I am Twenty-two jerk face. I ignored him and put my hands on Bucky’s temples.  
“Do you remember who you are?” I asked Bucky maybe it was just a fluke that I could feel his scruffy cheek beneath my fingers.  
“Who are you?” he whispered. He looked at me as if I were an angel or something.  
“She just disappeared right in front of me!” Rumlow growled. “Scan the room.”  
“But sir!”  
“Just do it!” He barked at the scrawny tech.  
“There seems to be a slight gamma disturbance near the asset, s-sir.” He man stuttered as he looked over at me.  
“Well, this slight gamma disturbance is pissed!” I appeared before his eyes and the man screamed and then passed out. I stalked over and started to pull Bucky out of torture chair. I did not realize I could do that. I added it to the mental list.  
“Where do you think you are going asset?” There was now a gun trained on Bucky.  
“He is coming with me, you piece of human excrement!” I shouted snagging the gun out of Rumlow’s hand pointed it at him and shot him in the chest.  
“Wha…” Rumlow’s body sunk to the floor. I had shot someone! I had… shot him in his bullet proof vest. I was not a killer at least. But he was going to have one heck of a bruise.  
There was noise coming from the other side of the door. I panicked and hugged Bucky so hard. I held him and prayed for a way out. There was a loud pop sound and flashes of rainbow like lights and I was back in my dorm room at ASU… with a bloody Bucky Barns. He was breathing raggedly and his eyes were not focusing.  
“Mr. Barns I need you to stay with me I am going to try to get you some help.” Who could I get to help me with a WW2 Vet in need of assistance? Do I call up the guy that pointed an arrow at Thor as he tried to pick up his hammer. Shield. If I contact them they are going to ask me a lot of questions. There was another groan from Bucky.  
Hawkeye.  
I found him walking down the hall of some office looking building. I ran and tapped him on his shoulder and prayed that this would work.  
“Hawkeye, Sir?” He spun around and I was face to face with the tip of an arrow. I took a deep breath.  
“Who the heck are you? How the heck did you get in here?” He said with a calm voice, but I saw his pulse in his throat. I had scared a trained agent…yay me.  
“I am sorry, but I have no time. My name is Volva Saguaro and I attend ASU in Flagstaff. I found James Buchanan Barns, he was being tortured by some jerk named Rumlow and he is now bleeding in my dorm room. Will you come? Can you come? Or send someone that you trust? Please?” Back in my dorm Bucky had gotten to his feet. I lost contact with Hawkeye.  
“Where am I?” Bucky asked in Russian. Thank God I had picked up Russian in grade school.  
“Flagstaff Arizona, Sargent James Buchanan Barns... My dorm room, if you want to be specific.” I said backing up into the corner that he unknowingly corralled me into.  
Dang this guy is huge!  
“Who the hell is James?”  
“I am hoping at least a part of you is.” I said under my breath. “What did they call you?”  
“I am the asset, the Winter Soldier.” He took another step closer and was towering over me.  
“Would you sit down, soldier?” I asked forcing the tremble out of my voice.  
He did not. He picked me up by my throat and pushed me into the wall. I panicked.  
Colson  
“Help!” I screamed in my head as he was somewhere in California probably picking up after Stark. He spun around in his office and saw me floating in midair. Not a good second impression.  
“What in God’s name!?”  
“My name is Volva Saguaro. I have found James Barns. He is the Winter Soldier and he is trying to kill me. I am at ASU! Help me!” I lost connection again as I was focusing on trying to breathe. In desperation I put my hands on his head.  
James ‘Bucky’ Barns!  
All of a sudden I was in a very different place. It was dark and there was Bucky in the corner bound and gagged. I ran over to him and pulled the gag off and suddenly I could breathe again. I fell to the floor with a thump and started coughing like crazy.  
“Bucky? Are you in there?” I asked in the voice of a person that has been smoking 3 packs a day for thirty years. I looked up from the floor at him and he was sitting in a daze on my bed. I might have ungagged the Bucky part of his brain. I could hope, anyway.  
“Who are you?” He glared down at me. Startling glacier blue and my poor grey eyes could not take it.  
“I am no one, just a friend who is trying to help you.” I said while pushing myself up so I could lean my back against the wall. The guy tried to kill me and I was breathing through my nose to try and avoid taking a big breath through my mouth. But if I were being honest…I had taken worse beatings in my life. I would be fine.  
“I do not have any friends.” My heart kind of broke because he said it so sincerely.  
“And there you would be wrong.” I said standing up slowly. His muscles tensed. I put my hands up in a soothing gesture.  
“Easy big guy, I think you already know that I am in no way a threat to you. You could snap me like a tooth pick. I come to… what…your peck muscle? You have like a hundred and fifty pounds of muscle on me. What am I going to do? Run away so fast that you get asthma from the dust I pick up? I doubt that would help me. Here, let me get you something to drink. Do you like orange juice?” I put out my hand out to lean against the counter of my tiny kitchen. People tended to be more relaxed while they were drinking something and I was all out of tea.  
“I don’t know.” I barely heard him. I wanted to go back to that room and shoot Mr. Rumlow again. What had they been doing to this guy? He does not even know if he likes orange juice.  
“Well, we will find out then.” I smiled softly at him. I poured the metal armed man a glass and also one for me. I held my glass against my throat. He took a small sip as if he was expecting something awful.  
“I think… I like this.” He had an orange juice mustache going and I did not have the heart to tell the mountain of metal muscle that he looked like a dork. He looked all at once so intimidating and so smol all at the same time. I wish I had that super power. I am just smol.  
“I’ll chalk it up to one of the things I know you like.” I saw him wince as he put down the empty glass on my bed side table. “Would you like me to check your injuries? You are still kind of banged up. I have a first aid kit under my bed and a bathroom if you would rather do it yourself. I will not force you to accept my help. I will not touch you without your express permission, Bucky.” I said sitting on my old bean bag. I offered this help to everyone I assisted that was wounded, if they were conscious. I past my first responder training and first aid classes with flying colors. I was well on my way to be an EMT. I hated that no matter where I went in this world there people in pain all around me… And it was my curse to watch them.  
“Please help me.” He whispered again.  
“You got it! If you can take off your shirt we can get started.” He nodded his head as I got my kit out from under my bed. I placed it beside him as he took off the non-descript tank top. He had ropey scars all the way around his metal arm and I felt my anger flicker again as I looked at how poorly they had been seen to. I looked at his back and found what had been bothering him. He had two bullet holes in his back.  
“It seems that you have two bullets in your back and it would be easier for me if you lay down on my bed, but if you are not comfortable with that I will sit behind you and get them out.” He was silent. “Bucky I need you to pick.” I did not want to be pushy, but he was still bleeding.  
“I’ll lie down.” He replied not looking at me.  
“Okay, I will make this as quick as possible. You might need stiches, I am afraid.”  
“No, I won’t. Once the bullet is out I will heal.” He said as he lay down on his stomach.  
“You maybe a tank, but there is no way that you have a way of closing your wounds by will power, Barns.” I scoffed as I prepped the tweezers with rubbing alcohol with my rubber gloved hands.  
Blood contagions are not a joke and I looked dejectedly at my blood splattered room. I would not be getting my deposit back without a lot of work on my part. The germaphobic part of me was screaming.  
“I am a super soldier.” His voice was muffled by my old blue quilt that I had embroidered stars on. The blood he was adding would wash out. I hoped it would, anyway.  
“Really? That explains a lot actually.” I smirked. I wiped both wounds with chlorhexidine just in case. Super soldier or not, infections were serious. I stood at the end of my bed and carefully pulled the first bullet out. I was as gentle as I could be as I placed the bullet in my now empty plastic cup. The first one was done in a matter of seconds and no sooner had I brought the tweezers back to it, it had closed up. Bucky let out a small sigh and it made me wonder how long these bullets had been left untreated.  
The second one proved to be a challenge. There was small pieces of cloth stuck inside the wound and if I let it close over it would fester. I meticulously took them out fragment by fragment. He was right as rain in no time at all.  
“Okay, you can sit up.” It felt odd not stitching or at least binding them in any way and watching them close up was just freaky.  
“You know that they are going to be looking for me, right?” He looked me in the eye as if it was going to be big news that they would be looking for the ‘Asset’.  
“I know.” I replied softly. I had been lying to myself for the last couple of minutes thinking that whoever I took him from would not come looking. He probably has a tracker in him somewhere. Maybe I could try that teleporting thing I had done… but I did not want to. What if it went wrong? What if I hurt him? He already has one metal arm…I would like him to keep the rest of his limbs. I had read the HP books I know about Splintching.  
We will do that as a last resort.  
“They could be here soon.” There was fear evident in his eyes. I nodded and began getting the things that were important to me together.  
“So could my friends.” I replied while snatching my phone charger, I then cast it aside knowing that if his friends got here first than my phone would just be used as a tracking device to locate us. I found my duffle and grabbed clothes. It was kind of sad how little I had.  
“What are you doing?” He asked in a small voice.  
“Getting ready to go.” I replied shoving my pair of wooly winter socks into my bag and zipping it shut.  
“You should not come with me. I am going to be caught again and they will get you as well if you are with me.” He growled as he paced back and forth.  
“How I see it is that, I only have you. You are my best chance of survival. I don’t really know how to hide as you have noticed and I can’t fight. I am a dead girl walking without you.” I said grabbing all the cash I had out of my wallet and leaving the cards where they were except for my driver’s license.  
“What about your friends that you said are coming here?”  
“I have never met them before.” I confessed, pausing before snatching my leather jacket off the hook by my door.  
“You would trust them with your life?” His words were incredulous in their tone.  
“I have been watching them for months. They are good people.” He scoffed.  
“You have yet to prove to me that you know the difference.” He scoffed. I snorted as I grabbed all the food out of my refrigerator and stuffed it into another bag.  
“We are ready to go.” I said while snatching the only picture I had of both my parents and stuffing it into the inside pocket of my jacket.”  
“I still think this is a horrible idea.” He sighed while picking up his bloodied tank top and putting it into my backpack that I handed to him.  
“Horrible idea or not… you are my best fighting chance, Barns.” I grabbed my star quilt and headed for the door. I would just have to be in contact with Colson. I also wanted to tell Nichole, but the less she knew the better. I would hate to put Adam and her in danger. She had been through enough.  
“Who are your friends?” He looked at me with his eyes narrowed. I turned from my door and looked him in the eye and put my hands up in a soothing gesture. He looked so scared. I took a deep breath and indicated that he should do the same and then let it out. He followed suit. I did that a couple more times so that he would breath.  
“People that might be able to help you, they are called Shield.” I whispered once our breathing exercise was done.  
“I don’t think your friends will want to help me.” He laughed mirthlessly.  
“Other than you, they are all I got.” I said while poking my head out my door and looking both ways.  
“That is sad.” He deadpanned.  
“That is rich coming from you.” I rolled my eyes as I decided that it was either now or never. I took a step down the hallway and imitated what Adam had showed me about clearing a space. I looked ridiculous with my backpack over my shoulders with my quilt tucked under one arm. I was still dressed him my PJ’s with Bucky freaking Barns following me. I looked around the next corner only to see David Cole coming down the hallway.  
“Time to change course.” I said doing a 180 turn.  
“Who is that and why are you afraid of him?” Bucky asked putting his metal hand on my shoulder.  
“Guy who has been stalking me for about a year now.” I scoffed. Trying to take the alternate route to my truck. His hand just tightened on my shoulder.  
“So, you are able to square off against Rumlow who had a loaded gun, but not this lightweight slime ball?” He looked me in the eye and I knew that it made no sense that I was able to look Rumlow in the eye, but not David. “Come on. We can’t waist time.” He put his arm around my shoulder and walked right into David’s line of sight.  
“What are you doing out so late, Saguaro?” David’s voice asked mockingly as he stepped in front of us blocking our path. His beady eyes were trained on me like I was meal. I rolled my eyes and put my arm around Bucky’s waist and tried to steer him around David.  
“Going to do some stargazing with my…” I was stopped as James did not want to move and my arm felt like it was tugging on Mjolnir again.  
“Her boyfriend.” I looked up at Bucky as if he had lost his mind. Like David was going to believe that I had attracted a 10 on the Richter scale. I was a 4 at best.  
“Ha! Like this cold hearted tramp…” Bucky took a step forward and I saw David gulp as he for the first time took him in. Bucky had about six inches on David and about fifty pounds in muscle. David’s face went white.  
“If you speak one more word we will have to take this to the parking lot.” David practically threw up his hands in surrender and ran down the hallway. I was stunned, but not in surprise of David’s actions.  
“Why would you do that?” I asked in a small voice as he practically pulled me down the hall.  
“He has been scaring you, he deserved it.” He said simply.  
“Th..thanks.” I stuttered. No one, not even Adam had ever done something like that for me.  
We finally made out to the night air and the parking lot. I threw my bag in my pick up and opened Bucky’s door from the inside. He took his spot and looked at me really confusedly when I stared at him.  
“What?” he asked when I reached over him to grab his seat belt.  
“Put your seatbelt on.” I said with a small smile.  
“Why?” He inquired as if he never had to wear one before. Maybe he hadn’t, but I would be damned if I didn’t make him put it on just for my peace of mind.  
“I don’t want you getting hurt if we get into a car wreck.” He merely chuckled at that and finished latching the belt. He could probably get out of most car wrecks without a single scratch on him. Stupid super soldier.  
“You are not going to turn into the Winter Soldier again, are you?” I asked as I started the engine.  
“Sorry doll, I cannot make any promises.” His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes looked as if he was about to cry.  
“Okay. I will not ask for any.” I nodded and began the long drive to LA.  
I kept my eye on Rumlow as we made our way to highway 40. He was dispatching some men, but he did not say a word as if he knew I was watching him. I knew it would not be long until they were on our tail. 

“Colson.” I contacted him once we were nearing Kingman.  
“You are alive!?” Colson was in a hover craft of some sort on his way to Arizona.  
“No one is more surprised than me. Barns is asleep in the truck beside me. Or at least faking it. We are on highway 40 almost to Kingman. I am in an old red Chevy truck. He might have a tracker in him, so you guys might not be the only ones coming for us.” I then proceeded to give him our exact coordinates. He was quiet for a few seconds as he told whoever was flying that thing where we were.  
“You know that you freaked out one of my best agents, right?” He looked at me very seriously.  
“Tell Hawkeye that I am so sorry. He was the first one I thought of.” There were a few moments of silence between us.  
“Who are you, miss Saguaro?” He asked as if I would be spooked by the question.  
“ In what way do you mean?” I said passing a Simi truck.  
“I mean you are obviously gifted. Why have we not seen you before.” I chuckled at the word gifted…more like cursed.  
“You have seen me before in New Mexico. I was the girl who told you that you had Mjolnir on your hands.” His eyebrows shot up into his hairline.  
“Ah, I meant why have you not shown up on our radar until now.” I shrugged.  
“Well for one, I didn’t want to be seen and for two, I have been trying to do things on the down low for some time.” I looked over at Bucky whose head was leaning against the window and his face was so peaceful.  
“But you would think that you would have shown up.” I snapped back to Colson. His head was cocked to the side, thinking hard about how I had gone unnoticed for so long.  
“I tried for three months to get you guys to pay attention to me when Tony was taken. But no…I had to go all the way to the FBI and pretend to be a threat for you guys to listen. Sheesh.” I passed yet another Simi. I quickly looked at what Rumlow was doing. He was still sitting in the room I shot him in. I looked for the guys that he had sent out.  
There was at least one group on highway 40 behind us.  
Crap.  
“Colson…There are guys with really big guns after us. They are about fifty miles behind and I don’t know what to do.” I fought to keep my voice from quavering.  
“First breathe. My crew, including Hawkeye, is coming as well. Second, I would wake up your friend and tell him the situation.” Colson was very calm, but there was a slight edge to his words that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.  
“Bucky,” I said nervously reaching over to pat him on the arm. “I need you to wake up. We have hostiles on our six and…” he sat bolt upright knocking my hand aside. I kept looking out on the relatively empty highway. You would think that on this stretch of 147 miles that I would have made up a plan for when they had caught up to us. Nope.  
“Breathe for me, Bucky.” He looked all at once resigned and terrified. His breathing was slow as I passed yet another Simi.  
“They will not find you if I am not with you.” Bucky said after a minute of silence. What is with this guy from the 1940’s? Were they all chivalrous to a fault?  
“Like hell I am going to leave you to those monsters!” I shouted. He just blinked.  
“You do not understand what they could do to you.” He whispered.  
“The only thing I know is that I have to get you to Shield. I cannot watch you get hurt again.” I grit my teeth and egged my poor truck to go faster.  
“Neither can I watch you. You see, we are at an impasse. I cannot see you hurt and you will not let me leave you. If I stay that is what is going to happen.” His voice was rough and his words were slow in coming. My hands tightened on the steering wheel.  
“It is settled then. I am with you for the long haul. No matter what they throw at us I am not going anywhere, you got me?! We can make it.” I snarled and a put my foot down on the accelerator. My truck hates me at this point.  
“You are just like Steve.” He chuckled bleakly putting his flesh hand over his face and pinching the bridge of his nose.  
“Yeah right, I am like Steve Rodgers. How can a scrawny waif of a girl be like super soldier Steve Rodgers?” I laughed while speeding over to the other side to pass yet another car. I saw his hand tighten on the armrest as we flew past the Budweiser truck.  
“Don’t be fooled by whatever Captain America propaganda Stark may have perpetrated on the world. Steve had a temper a mile wide and a mouth on him.” I laughed, if that were true than I was more like the Captain than I wanted to be.  
“Well, here is to reckless hotheaded friends, Barns.” I said as we practically flew through Kingman.  
“You can call me Bucky. Calling me Barns is making me feel like I am in the Army again.” He chuckled.  
“Okay, Bucky.” I looked over at him and smiled and he smiled back. His smile could light a city for a whole year. I had to force myself to look back at the road lest we end up in a ditch because a nearly 100 year old man had the nerve to smile at me.  
“I bet that smile of yours has gotten you into trouble before.” I laughed while doing a check on the guys that Rumlow had barked orders at. They were all on the road behind us…but not far enough for me to breathe easy. I was going just fast enough so that the cops didn’t try to pull me over. They had no such qualms. I tried to cover my concern with drumming on the steering wheel.  
“Did you know that your eyes change color when you do that?” He asked.  
“Do what?” I asked peeking over at him.  
“When you are looking at someone with… however you do it…your eyes go from brown to bronze.” I chuffed…note to self: do not go sightseeing in public ever again. Apparently, I have never been the smooth operator that I thought I was. How had I gone under the radar for so long?  
“I did not know that.” I muttered.  
“Well, it is rather… fascinating to watch.” He hesitated.  
“Was that an attempt at a compliment?” I smirked knowing full well that it was not.  
“No, I just thought it would be rude to call it, ‘absolutely terrifying’.” He smirked in return. I belly laughed at that. I had always been the freak. But never in all of my days had anyone ever been sacred of me.  
“Look at me… the scary monster.” I giggled while rolling my eyes.  
“I am.” His calm words admittedly spiked my heart rate…which he could probably hear… Stupid Super Soldier serum.  
“Do I frighten you?” I asked trying to defuse the whole situation with a joke and eyebrow waggle. We have established that I am tiny and in no way a threat to anyone…unless you are Rumlow…I would shoot him again in a heartbeat.  
“You are the scariest person I have ever come across.” He replied sincerely.  
“Wow, way to put me up there with the Red Scull and Rumlow. Why are you scared of a girl who can’t even walk down the same hallway as her stalker? Seems like an Elephant afraid of a mouse if you ask me.” We blazed past the sign welcoming us to the Mojave Desert. Colson said that he would meet us on the other side.  
“You are so fiercely loyal to a complete stranger…one who tried to kill you not two hours ago. You walked out on your life and rather than turn loose the one who could get you taken into Hydra. Instead, you choose to stay and fight with him. All of this knowing that when they do, it is not going to be pretty and you could end up dead for a man that has been so for decades. So, your abilities aside, you are scary.” It was all true. Up until about two hours ago I thought that he was dead.  
“I am not scary…stupid, more like. I cannot watch decent people get hurt. Call it my weakness. Besides, you are the scary one in this… what kind of person does it take to stir up that kind of loyalty from a total stranger? You are more intimidating than I will ever be.” I said with a smile and a wink. He smiled again. I pretended I was not affected by it.  
We drove for about thirty minutes in silence after that.  
We were run off the road by Hydra agents that I didn’t even see coming. Bucky fought like a man possessed and I sat pathetically incapacitated in the wreckage of my truck. My truck had hit the only large boulder within a twenty mile radius. They must have planned that. Or was I giving them way too much credit. There was smoke in the air from my destroyed engine and my forehead was bleeding from hitting my steering wheel. The picture of my parents had somehow landed on my dash and had some of my blood on it. They had gotten blood on the only picture of my father. I was trying to get my addled brain to be more concerned about the battle outside. But for about ten seconds that was the only thing that I could focus on. The ringing in my ears was dissipating and I blinked away the blurriness. I undid my seatbelt.  
Hydra agents were falling by the droves and all I could seem to do is slowly pull glass shards out of my hands and try to crawl toward Bucky getting out of my truck. I was nearly to him when a man I would later know as Strucker picked me off the ground by my curly black hair. I fought him as best I could until I scratched him down the side of his face. I was weak and he caught my next punch with ease. He smiled as he proceeded to dislocate my wrist. I must have screamed because Bucky froze. I crumpled to the ground in pain.  
“Soldier! Are you ready to comply?” He either had a thick accent or a terrible lisp.  
“Let the girl go and I won’t kill you.” Bucky growled and stalked toward the evil piece of human garbage.  
“I do not like that option. She will just steal you back and we will have to do this all over again.” He gave a slight nod and before I could shout a warning Bucky was shot with at least six tranquilizers. I screamed until I was gagged and thrown into a separate van from him. Then I wept and tried to get a hold of Colson. I did not even feel the large needle as it went into my arm.


	3. Lost and Found

I lived in fluid dreams… From alien invasions of New York to battles waged in London… Tony causing more trouble and nearly getting himself hurt every single time. So detailed…were these actually happening? But I would try to get out of the dreams but I was stuck when I was not being forced into experiments… but there was always the haze of drugs keeping me from contacting help or Bucky. I remembered much later that there were other people occupying the cells beside me, but they were willing participants. The girl Wanda once reached out for my brain and found it to be too scrambled for her liking and left me alone. It was routine after a while. I would try to contact her but she would ignore my feeble attempts. “Let’s see how she does with the scepter. She has failed all other uses for her and if it kills her than we won’t be out of much. We can’t control her brain nor wipe it. She is immune. We have been trying for the last four years to make her into something useful. She is not. We may be able to test the stone on her?” I heard all of this through waterlogged ears and a dizzy head. “But she could die and she already has some unique abilities.” Strucker responded but then hummed as if the idea had some merit. At least I might die. The next thing I knew I was strapped to a gurney and being pulled down a long hallway that I didn’t recognize. The I.V. that was always pumping toxic sedatives into my bloodstream was gone, but my hope did not last long. I was given a shot of something else and propped into what I referred to as the torture chair. I was much stronger than I was before. They had tampered with my DNA and I could probably stand toe to toe with Bucky in a fight now. I tried to reach him again as I always did before the pain started. “Could someone please gag her, some of us are trying to work.” Something was promptly put into my mouth. Three days we repeated this. They would bring me into the room strap me down and then place a cube on my collarbone and watched as it burnt my skin. They were always excited after each little experiment. The fourth day they had just finished strapping me down when someone burst into the room as shouted. “The Avengers! They are here!” They fled leaving the burning stone on me for way longer than they ever had before. One of those nincompoops did finally snatch it and put it in its little containment area. I was wheeled frantically back into my cell. For once I did not feel drugged and was able to sit up on the gurney. I did not recognize my own hands as they came up to my face and I flinched away only to have them follow me. I threw myself onto the floor and found a corner and tried to contact Bucky again. James Buchanan Barns “Doll? Where are you!?” I could not respond I was crying too hard out of pure relief that I was able to find him. He was in Berlin in a dinky little apartment writing furiously in a notebook. “Honey, I need you to come to me like you did last time, okay?” He said. I tried to stand up but I was shaking too hard. My lungs felt like they were on fire from whatever that stupid stone was doing to me. “I can’t get to you! Why can’t I get to you?” I was sobbing pitifully at this point. “Sweetheart, tell me where you are and I will come to you.” He was already scrambling to get his little backpack together. I did not want him in danger again, but I selfishly did not want to be alone either. “Sokovia. Baron von Strucker’s palace. Do not leave me here, please.” There was a sound outside my cell and I saw a man with a ridiculous shield on his arm. I curled into a tighter ball. “My name is Steve Rodgers and I am here to get you out of this place.” He was kneeling by my side with the shield put on his back. He looked like a patriotic tortoise. “Steve Rodgers died as he put a plane into the water years ago. I am not an idiot. Tell Strucker that this is a stupid game he is playing.” I turned my face to the wall and contacted Bucky again. “There is someone here saying that they are Steve Rodgers.” He was walking down the steps of his apartment and he froze in place. “Let him help you, sweetheart. I can’t get to you fast enough.” “You are saying I should believe some yahoo in sprayed on spangled spandex who says that he is the 'Man with a Plan'?. He has been dead for 70 years, James.” I bit out with an eye roll. I was crying again, but not as pitifully. I hurt all over. “He saved me not long ago. Trust him. He is who he says he is.” He chuckled combing his fingers back through his long hair. “Fine, but if I die, just know that I am sorry.” I said rolling back over to look at Rodgers. He was staring at me as if I was about to scream or cry like a lunatic and was bracing himself. Steve Rodgers …. Holy heck…it was him. I went back to Bucky. “Sorry?” Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed like a confused German Shepard. I almost smiled. “Sorry for not being able to get you out all those years ago. Sorry for causing you more pain.” A single tear fell down my cheek as I looked Steve in the eye. His eyes were kind, if nothing else. He looked like a blue eyed Golden Retriever. “Little one, none of that was your fault.” Bucky’s eyes were filling with tears. I just smiled sadly, because it sure felt like it was. I tried to get to my feet again and nearly fell on my face before Rodgers grabbed me by my shoulders. “Would you like some help.” He asked steadying me. “No, but I need help.” I whispered wearily wishing with all of my might that I didn’t feel as if a slight breeze could knock me over. “May I carry you?” He inquired calmly. I smirked. “Captain America is asking if he could carry me.” I winced as my giggle turned into pain in my ribs. “I do not understand, what is so funny?” His right arm was wrapped protectively around my shoulders. It felt nice to feel defended. Knowing if anything bad came down these hallways, he would handle it in stride. “A senior citizen is asking if I need assistance to cross the road.” I burst into painful laughter wrapping my arm around my ribs. Maybe it has been too long since they gave me food and water. Delirium was setting in. We were taking shaky steps down the hall of hell, as I called it, and I could tell he wanted to get out of here faster than that. “Stark and Tasha are going to love you. Stop laughing, you are just hurting yourself more.” But I heard the faint trace of a smile in his voice. “But in all honesty, miss; can I carry you?” His concern is what did me in. “Fine, but don’t tell anyone that when I called Life Alert that they sent me the oldest paramedic that they could find.” He looked confused as if he did not understand the reference. Well, he was from the 1940’s. The next thing I knew is that we were walking down the hall he had to put me down a couple of times to fight some of Strucker’s thugs and I calmly leaned against the wall as he did so. We were nearing the steps that led outside when we came across Strucker himself. Rodgers had just punched someone in the face and I found it doubtful that the dude would ever get back up. “Ah, Baron von Strucker.” Rodgers said in what I was beginning to recognize as the ‘captain’ voice. They had a slight interaction while I tried to blend into the background. I felt someone’s hand near my face and I grab the wrist so fast that it did not registered in my muddled brain that I had moved. Wanda Maximoff my neighbor for the last ten months was standing by my side. “Let go of my wrist.” She deadpanned. “Don’t try to mess with my head, Wanda. You will not like what you find.” It was a legitimate warning; my dreams were horrifying with their realism. Even worse with the feeling that they were actually happening. Wanda Maximoff I was in her head, I realized. She was so full of hatred for Tony Stark that it was hard to see anything else. I saw her and her brother waiting to be found by the Sokovian rescue team with a bomb that could explode at any minute. I saw years of grief for their family and hardship as they tried to stay together. I pitied her. “You have so much hatred in your heart. How can you stand it?” “Get out of my head.” She snarled. “Say, please.” I dared a smirk. She shoved me back with her creepy red energy. She ran down the hall and found Captain and Strucker. I wheezed because she had knocked the wind out of me, but it could have been worse. She had the ability to crush me with her pinkie finger if she wanted to. I tried to move down the hall to make sure that Rodgers was okay, not like I could have done him any good. But he was my ride out so…better check on him. He was fine and it was satisfying to see that Strucker was knocked unconscious on the floor. I tried to not be too smug about it, but dang it was hard. “NATO is right outside for him...” Cap had his hands up like he was afraid I was going to waste my time on harming the man that had been trying to break me for the last four years. I would much rather watch as he lost everything…like I did. “My ideas of revenge lie more on Westley’s version rather than Indigo Montoya’s.” I chuffed looking at the insect that was sprawled out on the ground. “I don’t follow.” Did he always look confused? “To the pain? You need to watch Princess Bride.” I smiled brightly as I looked down the stairs and saw sunshine for the first time in four years. “I can add it to the list.” He chuckled as I wobbled walking toward the stairs. “Need a lift?” He asked taking in my pitiful attempt to right myself. “Yes” was my broken answer. I needed to feel the warmth of the sun on me again. I was scooped up without another word and taken to a quinjet. “Who is your friend?” Tony Stark asked as Steve and I approached after about a minute of him running gently as to not jar me too much. He could have pulled my finger nails out one by one and I would not have complained...I was staring up at the cloudy sky and at the trees. I could die now. “I forgot to ask. She was being held in a cell.” Steve was looking down at me as if I was going to crumble into dust. “Miss, I am sorry but I forgot to ask you what your name is.” I had to tear my eyes away from the tree branches. “Volva… Volva Saguaro.” I stuttered looking at Tony…the man that I had spied on for years was standing before me. I curled into Steve as I heard a groan coming from inside the jet. “Well, Volva welcome aboard, but we need to leave now because someone had to get shot.” Tony said with an eye roll. For a split second I was terrified that they were just going to leave me there and I wrapped my arms around Steve in panic. “Shh shhh shh...it is okay, you are coming with us. We are not leaving you here, Volva.” I realized that I was hyperventilating so I held my breath before I passed out. He carried me aboard and I about cried again. “Why is that name familiar, Nat?” Asked a man lying on a gurney. It took me a second to realize that I recognized that profile. “Hawkeye? Is that you?” I asked in awe. Steve set me on one of the benches and went for the med kit. “Yup, that has got to be her, Nat.” He tried to sit up but Nat the redhead pushed him back down. “Are you okay?!” I asked kneeling beside him. Nat glared at me when I got too close to him. “Am I okay, asks the girl that has been held hostage by Hydra for four years. We never stopped looking you know.” His breathing was labored and I put my hand on his forehead to check for a temperature. There was a glow from my hand and then I passed out.


	4. Reconnecting

When I woke up I was in a hospital bed with tubes and wires sticking out of me and about had a panic attack. I was about to pull out the IV when good old Mr. Rodgers spoke from beside my bed.   
“Easy, you are safe and you need those, so I wouldn’t be pulling those out. You are a tough one and were a lot worse off than you let on.” My heartrate was still too fast because I thought that getting saved by Captain America was just a dream. “You are safe.” He repeated as my heart monitor loudly revealed to the room just how freaked out I was.  
“You promise?” I said looking at the sleek and obviously sterile room. Waiting for the dream to fade and for the thugs to drag me back to that room and place the stone on me again.  
“I promise.” Then and only then did I lie back on the bed, but my eyes darted about searching for a threat. I started my breathing exercise and pinched my arm to make sure that I was indeed awake. Not even a flicker of…this was my new reality. I was sitting in a very comfortable bed with warm blankets wrapped around me. I had someone who had protected me before sitting beside my bed. I felt moisture on my face and realized I was crying. I was bandaged up and not in any pain. I could breathe.   
“Hey girl, Steve told us you were awake.” Hawkeye walked into the room.   
“Do you want a hug, sweetie.” Nat walked in with flaming red hair. I cried harder and nodded until her slender arms were wrapped around me. My ugly sobbing slowed as she rubbed soothing circles on my back. Clint was sitting on the other side of the bed and holding my hand.  
“It is so good to finally meet you, Hawkeye.” I looked him in the eye. He was doing better than the last time I saw him he actually had color in his skin and he was not sweating.  
“Nice to meet a fan.” He smirked, eyes sparkling.   
“Yeah, Clint does not have any.” Nat snarked, eyes rolling. I had to stifle a giggle.   
“Thanks Nat, way to stand up for your best friend.” He then proceeded to raspberry at her like toddler. She shrieked and then proceeded to flick him on his ear. Steve was chuckling softly beside us. I looked and him and mouthed ‘thank you.’ He smiled and nodded in an ‘of course, don’t worry about it’ kind of way. I reached out and took Steve’s hand and squeezed it tight.   
“Ow, Nat!” Clint batted her hand away, indignant.  
“That is what you get for spreading your saliva around this clean room.” She smiled revealing a dimple at the corner of her mouth. Her eyes were guarded…I wondered if that was my fault, or was she always on high alert.   
“I am glad you are feeling better.” I said to Clint trying to tame my hair with the hand that was not holding Steve’s hand. I forgot that I was holding Captain America’s hand... I looked at him and was about to let go with an apology. His hand tightened on mine and he smiled kindly at me.   
“All thanks to you.” Clint said.  
“Umm…what?” I responded like an intellectual.  
“You healed me…did you know you could do that?” He asked noting my mixture of utter dismay and confusion.   
“Uhh…nope.” Maybe that is why Steve did not mind holding my hand. I was now a walking surveillance and health booster…I sounded like an insurance package.   
“We will run some harmless test on you to figure out what all you can do beside jump out a scare people from half a world away.” Clint rambled and I wince at the word tests and withdrew my hand from Steve’s.  
“I refuse to be tested on.” I whispered my heartrate spiking again. Steve reached over and took my hand back into his.   
“Volva, these tests will not hurt and we will not have to touch you…isn’t that right, Stark?” He asked Tony. Tony looked exhausted and was clasping a clear glass full of what could only be alcohol of some kind.   
“Sure thing. Jarvis, could you please bring up the stats that we have on Miss Saguaro.”   
“Here they are, Mr. Stark.” An automated voice that I recognized startled me. Jarvis, Tony’s sarcastic AI unit/butler. “Miss Saguaro has displayed by reports the abilities to teleport, contact telepathically with others, and give the precise location of missing people whether living or dead. The Hydra reports state that she has had some instances of inhuman strength and speed, much like a super soldier. Apparently when you telepathically communicate with people you are only seen by the one you contact. She is also on record for breaking the Winter Soldier out of hydra confinement and nearly getting him back to Shield four years ago. She was considered a huge threat so they did heavy experimentation on her while she was on large amounts of sedatives trying to figure a way to control her. All failed. They added the same serum that they gave Mr. Barns all those years ago and by using his blood they were able to replicate it. ” Jarvis went on. Steve’s hand tensed in mine at the mention of Bucky. He loosened his grip when he saw me wince. Even this super soldier version of myself could not take it.  
“She is not as strong or resilient as either of the Super Soldiers due to being female, but they did extensive tests that proved she could potentially go toe to toe with you guys in the right circumstances. She has the ability to see the future…that they tried to use to their advantage, but they kept her too heavily medicated to get more than snippets. In summation: she has the ability to teleport, telepathically communicate, and super strength. As well as foresee the future, and apparently heal others. That one is new…or at least nothing they have tested for.” Jarvis said as I felt the blood drain from my face. I woke up with more strange powers that I did not know how to control. Great, I could accidentally kill someone with my super strength. Accidentally teleport to the middle of shark infested waters for all I know… in my sleep. I took a deep breath and held it. I let go of Steve’s hand again because my knuckles were going white from holding on too tight. I did not want to hurt him…poor guy has been through enough without being teleported to the edge of an active volcano.   
“Thanks, Jarvis.” Tony said in his usual blasé tone. “So, you are the one that was harassing Obadiah and Pepper when I was captured?” He took the position of leaning against the cabinet across my bed. The man was always eating something…he had a bag of cheerios in his hand and was tossing them in the air and swallowing them. The man was a super intelligent eight-year-old.   
“You have to know that I tried to get a hold of anyone that I thought would help you…well… Obadiah was a mistake.” I said wringing my hands through the soft blanket that they had given me. I did not dare meet anyone’s eyes. I was a freak; despite all the reassurance that I had received from Nichole for those few years… I was now more a freak than ever, even she would not deny it.  
Nichole  
She was sitting safely in her home with one toddler and a little boy in a swing. Adam was in the kitchen making pancakes and they all were laughing. I sighed in relief. They were safe Hydra did not touch them. Thank God.  
“Volva?” Steve was touching my arm. “Who is she?” Crap… Steve could see her. I pulled my arm away from him. I did not want Shield touching them either.  
“She will never be any of your concern, Mr. Rodgers.” I know I said it coldly, but I did not want him to go looking for them either. My loved ones always got hurt, but not Nichole…not Adam.   
“You were looking at someone.” Tony smirked.   
“Yes, she is the only person I care about and I would like you all to never meet her. She would never survive association with the likes of us. She and her family would be dead in a week. Leave it alone, Stark.” As I glared at him I noticed Tasha tense slightly next to me. She would pounce if I were a threat to her team. I looked at her sadly as I saw the distrust in her eyes. I would not fight her.   
“I think you are underestimating our ability to protect.” The eye roll Stark gave me would make teenage girls all over the world jealous with how perfectly it was executed.  
“Don’t underestimate your enemies, Stark. She is better off thinking I am dead. Hydra would have no reason to target her and I would be happy knowing that she is safe. Drop it.” There was silence that followed after that. “The people close to us get hurt, Mr. Stark. There is no arguing that.” His eyes looked far away and his jaw tightened.  
“I cannot but agree with you, Miss Saguaro, but what if you are wrong in this case?” He asked while folding his arms and walking to the end of my bed. I was boxed in by Avengers on all sides. They really didn’t have a reason to trust me. I was held captive by Hydra for four years. I could be anyone at this point. A super powered raving lunatic, for all they knew. What saddened me more was the fact that they could be right. I did not trust myself either. I just wanted to go back in time to sitting in my dorm with Bucky at ASU and not trying to get him to Shield, but instead just running. Maybe they would have never caught us.   
“But what if I am right, Tony?” I was pleading with him as if I was his friend, after all I had seen, I practically was. He sighed and nodded and I relaxed back onto my bed a little knowing that they were not going to go try to find Nichole.  
“How long have you been spying on me, kid?” He sat at the foot of my bed on my left side with Steve.   
“A long time.” I admitted abashedly. Some of the things I had seen him do were less than Ironman approved. I had seen things that he was definitely not proud of.   
“I am sorry, then.” He looked more than slightly ashamed of himself. As he should be with all of his pointless cavorting and partying.  
“Not as sorry as I was when I could not get anyone to believe me. I am a big reason why Yinsen died, Tony. Not you. I must have Cassandra’s curse. Seeing but no one believing me.” I half smiled trying to find the humor in something so bleak.   
“That was not your fault. Neither of us are to blame for his death. That lies solely with those that captured him and those that shot him.” I smiled sadly at him. He could say all he wanted, but it did not erase the guilt that I had. I sighed and I felt Steve put his hand on my forearm. I could not take any more of this mopey depressive time stuff anymore…So I changed the subject. Nat noticed that I was trying not to cry, but she did not say anything.   
“Do I get to meet Pepper? Or Thor? Please, tell me that I get to meet Thor.” I said the last sentence in my best valley girl impression. It made Clint laugh. I looked at Tony, asking permission.   
“Don’t look at me; I am not the boss, Spangles is. I do everything else.” He said with another eye roll as he stood up to walk to the door.   
“Bitter, much?” I asked with an eyebrow quirked.   
“You have no idea.” Steve chuckled. Tony gave his best, ‘I am not amused’ face. It just made everyone crack up more.   
“That is it! No more delivered slushies for anyone.” Tony glared at everyone who was still laughing.  
“What have I done? I just got here?” I protested. I had not had a slushy in about six years.  
“Fine you still get slushies…the rest of you know what you did.” He left to peals of laughter from Clint and Steve.  
“I guess you are just going to have to be my new delivery boy.” Nat smirked at Clint. Clint scoffed.  
“I bet you could convince Banner to do it with a couple bats of your eyelashes.” Clint did a very impressive eyebrow waggle.  
“Wait…Banner, as in Bruce Banner? Can I meet him too?!” This was shaping up to be the best day ever. “I have been keeping tabs on him long before the Hulk was even a thing! His study on gamma radiation was, and still is, ground breaking.” Or at least it had been four years ago.   
“Oh no, not another science freak.” Clint groaned as he dramatically rolled off my bed and on to the ground. I peeked over the edge to see if he was okay.   
“Idiot.” Whispered Nat as she gave him a hand up. “We will go get Dr. Banner for you. He is after all one of the guys that is supposed to check up on you.” It looked like the smile that Natasha wore was actually genuine. She must really like Dr. Banner.   
“Bring Thor too, please!” I smiled and Natasha winked and walked gracefully out the door dragging Clint with her who gave me a smile and a wave from the doorway. It was just Steve and I again.   
“So, you found Bucky.” He asked without any preamble.   
“By accident. At the time I was looking into what I could actually do with my powers. He was the top of the list to see if I could find where his body was. Well, I found his body all right... on a base somewhere in New Mexico. They were torturing him. I must have done something different from what I normally did because the next thing I know is, I have shot his handler and teleported him back to my dorm room at ASU.”   
“You are telling me that that was the first time you teleported?”   
“And the last time… I was too scared to try that again…but I should have. We would not have gotten caught if I had been successful. I am sorry, Capitan Rodgers.” It was not a good feeling knowing that you let down one of the greatest war heroes of all time. Someone; that the world, including you, had set as the white knight standard.  
“You did the right thing.” I searched his face to see if Mr. Honest was lying to me. Surprise, he was not.   
“Would you like to see him? I can at least give that to you. ” I took Steve’s hand and closed my eyes.  
James Buchanan Barns.   
He was sitting at his table in his little apartment. He had a plate full of food that he had yet to touch that was going cold.   
“Bucky.” I whispered tentatively. He jumped and he looked up at us.   
“Steve?” Apparently this was a two way thing. I tried not to cry at the look on both of their faces. “Last time I saw you I nearly killed you, Punk.” Bucky’s voice was hoarse and low. It made me choke up a little.   
“Last time I saw you, you did not recognize me.” Steve was openly crying. Screw it. I let the tears fall. If I was going to be subjected to a private conversation, then I was not going to handle it well. I brought up my other hand to wipe them away so I could still see Bucky.  
“I see you have met my best girl, Rodgers.” Bucky said looking over at me and seeing the tears run freely down my face. Steve laughed.   
“Yeah, she really is something. I might keep her.” Steve said with a mischievous glint in his eye. I rolled my eyes. Boys.   
“As if I am going to let a dangerous little punk like you get her in trouble.” An absolutely beautiful smile took over Bucky’s face. Please let these two never stop smiling. They deserved to never know any more pain…  
“You are going to have to come get her then.” Steve held up our joined hands and waved them at Bucky.  
“I will, unless she comes to me first.” Bucky winked at me. The jerk winked at me. I could not stop the blush that took over my face.   
“Okay, that is enough fun at my expense, thank you both very much.” I said crossing my one arm over my chest in a fake pout. “I am not sure what happened while I was gone Bucky, but you should be here. They would help you.” I was practically begging. “Don’t make me come over there and get you. I have done it once and I will do it again, if I have to.” My smile was still kind of watery.   
“I will bring myself in, doll. I just need some time. I am remembering everything in little snippets and none of what I have done is good.” He looked away from me.  
“None of that was you. I was able to find you in that chair because I was looking for your name. I found the Winter Soldier. But when I did it again while I touched you I was able to find James Buchanan Barns. You were not in control of your actions. You cannot blame yourself. Blame the evil men that did this to you. I will not stand by as you bury yourself in blood that you are not responsible for shedding.   
“I killed Tony Starks’ parents. I killed Howard.” He first looked at Steve and then he looked away as he said it, ashamed. I did not blink.   
“Not your fault. The man I know defended me when totally outnumbered. That is who you are. They made you do those things. I saw them torture you, Bucky. I am not ignorant to the pain that they put you through. Granted, Stark is going to be pissed when we tell him. But despite his playboy ways he is a good man. He will not blame you for long. Please, come home.” I put my free hand on Bucky’s arm. I could almost feel the burgundy shirt he was wearing.   
“Home, huh? I’ll admit that it has a nice sound to it. I will come soon, but I need a little more time, sweetheart.”   
“Stop it with the pet names, Barns, unless you want me to think that you like me.” I smirked trying to hide the fact that I was worried about him being all alone.   
“And here I thought that I was being so subtle.” He smiled again. Jerk. I raised my eyes to the heavens… the smooth ladies’ man, James Barns, ladies and gentlemen. I pretended that what he said did not faze me. I had to squash the nice feeling of being flirted with, with the fact that he did not mean a word of it… and never would.   
“Steve do you have anything more to add? Maybe you could convince this idiot to come home.” I chuffed exasperated.  
“I have never been able to sway him.” Steve said with a sigh. I had to laugh.  
“We all know that is a lie. James here was a POW and could have totally gone home once you got him out of there. But no, he stayed with you. You want to know why? He cares about you and he would follow you through hell and back again. Don’t give me that crap that you can’t do anything about this.” I snarled.  
“He should have his own choice as to when he comes back.” He whispered so that only I could hear. That knocked all the indignation out of me like a punch to the gut.   
“Fine.” I looked back over to Bucky, “But if you don’t come home soon, I will drag your butt here, understood?” I did my best to look intimidating. I know I was totally failing at that look because Bucky was smiling. “Stop smiling, jerk. I am very upset with you.” I put my free hand on my hip.  
“You cannot always get your way, brat.” Bucky smiled and then proceeded to stick out his tongue at me, like he was a five year old. God give me patients.  
“Again with the pet names.” I said pinching the bridge of my nose. I could practically feel Bucky smirking. “Behave yourself, Barns. Or I will kick your ass.” I was getting ready to sever the connection when I heard him chuckle.  
“Ohh, I would love to see you try, girly.” The devilish smirk on his face should be illegal. I grit my teeth in hopes that it prevented a blush.   
“One day you will. Bye Barns.” I muttered out of the side of my mouth. I looked away from him to glance at the blond. I would give them as much privacy as I could give them. “Steve, say what you need to.”  
“You know I want you here, Bucky. But I also know that you are one of the most stubborn people on planet earth, second only to Tony Stark. Come home when you are ready. We will be waiting.” He smiled sadly at his friend.   
“I know you will, Steve.” Steve squeezed my hand a little tighter than before to indicate that I should sever the connection. I let go of Steve’s hand and looked at Bucky for a second longer.  
“You better not take your time, soldier.” I said finally able to cross my arms over my chest. I tapped my foot on the floor like a petulant child.  
“I would not do that to you, doll.” The small smile on his face crept up to his eyes. I smiled back.  
“You’d better not… Bye Bucky.” I waved as I finally let go. I blinked and found myself back in the hospital like bed with the fuzzy blankets over my legs. I sighed deeply and turned to face Steve. He looked resigned and slightly sad. I gave him an apologetic smile and placed my hand on top of his.   
“Am I interrupting?” There was a timid voice from the doorway. Bruce Banner stood there awkwardly as if expecting me to turn him away. His hair was a mess as if he had not really slept and he wore dark circles under his eyes.  
“Please come in Dr. Banner. I am happy to meet you. Your work is absolutely remarkable.” I gushed as his face morphed from a timid expression to slightly astounded one.   
“You are familiar with my work.” He moved forward to the base of my bed.  
“You were my hero in middle school. I did my whole science fair project on some of your work in the gamma field and the possibility to use it as a safe energy source. I am no scientist myself, and therefore only got third place with my work.” I said with a smile and pointed to the other chair next to me across from Steve. He sat down. I could not quite decipher the look on his face.  
“I am no one’s hero.” He looked away and started checking the machine that I was hooked up to. I reached out and touched his arm. My hand glowed again and it felt like a static shock. The next thing I knew was that Bruce was on the floor and looking up at me in a daze.   
“Mr. Banner? Are you okay?” I asked touching my hand to my head to ward off the dizziness.   
“Bruce are you alright?” Steve walked over to the other side. His hands were up in a soothing gesture.   
“What did you do to me?” Bruce said in a slightly slurred voice from the floor.  
“I do not know.” I said looking down at my open palms in dismay. Steve got between me and Bruce as if he could fight off the full power of the Hulk.  
“What did you do to me?!” Bruce yelled again as he picked himself up off the floor. He was obviously angry and the fear on Steve’s face did not instill confidence that everything was going to be alright.   
“I did not mean to touch you. I am sorry!” I cried unable to move off the bed as I was connected with tubes and wires. Banner stopped in his tracks as he looked down at his hands and we both noticed that he was not turning green.   
“What did you do?” His voice was almost a whisper now.   
“I repeat, I do not know.” I replied shaking from the adrenaline spike.  
“Jarvis tell Stark that we are going to need him to come back to the med bay.” Steve murmured looking at Bruce as if he had grown a second head.   
“Right away, sir.” Jarvis intoned. I put my hand to my own chest unable to slow my heart rate. The monitor was practically screaming. Why couldn’t these new healing powers work on me? They seemed to work on everyone else.   
“Volva you are alright. We need you to breathe, okay?” Steve said turning his back on Banner and looking me in the eye. He grabbed my hand hesitantly as if I was going to shock him as well. Tony then burst into the room.  
“Um, what is going on here? Why does Brucy look like he lost a fight… and why is her heartrate that high?” He went over and squinted at Banner, as if personal space was an option designed for lesser mortals.   
“She touched him and sent him sprawling to the floor…He got angry… but he didn’t turn green.” Steve said not turning to look at him but instead regulating his breathing and holding my hand to make sure I was okay. I was not… not even a little bit. I saw into Banner’s mind and it was even more of a mess than my own. I had met the Hulk.   
OOOOOOOOOOOOooOooOOOOOOOOOOOOO

“Why you here?” The green monster had asked. I did not know how to respond to that and what ensued in those few moments was a fierce battle in both of our heads.   
“Why won’t you let Banner have control of his mind? This is his body.” I had shrieked.  
“Banner… afraid... always… afraid. Hulk strongest of all.... never afraid.” The hulk said out of breath. I put my hand on the Hulk’s forehead and the same white light from when I touched Barton came back.   
“Miss Saguaro!?” Hulk looked at me though his mind’s eye but with Banner’s voice. He then fell to the floor and I lost contact.   
OOOOOOOOOOOOooOooOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
“Is… is he okay?” I asked looking Steve in the eye in panic. What if I had hurt Banner? I felt nauseated. Banner slowly got up from the floor.  
“I feel fine.” He said in a small voice with his hand over his mouth in shock. He slowly brought his eyes up to look at me and I saw his eyes… they were not all blue anymore…they had flecks of Hulk green. What had I done?   
“Are you sure?” asked Tony who looked prepared to summon his suit if needed.   
“I have not felt this good in years.” Bruce said with more conviction and there was a dazzling smile. It was at that moment that Natasha decided to come back with Thor in tow.   
“We heard shouting!” She seemed relaxed, but her eyes were darting around prepared for a fight. I felt sick. Dizzy with a dash of all out blood curdling pain that was lancing through my head. If it would stop the pain, then I totally would ask either her or Cap to knock me out.   
“Volva, you are going to be alright. I need you to breathe.” Captain said, but it felt as if I was underwater. His voice was far away and all I could see was the inside of my own head. I was fighting off the earthshattering head ache. I curled into myself as much as I could. I shut everything out, it was something I had learned to do with Strucker when the pain got to be too much.  
“Lady Volva, open your eyes.” A different voice broke through the undertow of pain that I was sinking in. “Thor?”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave a comment if you would like me to continue.


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